Už máte dosť tých “nastajlovaných” fotiek rodiniek, ktoré na vás vyskočia na sociálnych sieťach? Nebojte sa, realita nikdy nie je taká ružová, ako sa podľa týchto fotiek zdá. Tatino z Veľkej Británie Simon Hooper priam neznáša dokonalých rodičov a robí presný opak.
Prikrášlených záberov má už naozaj dosť a tak sa rozhodol, že na jeho Instagramovom účte takéto fotky nenájdete. Keďže má s manželkou štyri dcéry, o zábavu nikdy nie je núdza a 10-ročnú Anye, 6-ročnú Marnie a dvojičky Ottiliu a Delilah fotí priamo v akcii a jeho zábery si našli množstvo priaznivcov.
O tom, že Simonovi nechýba zmysel pre humor a svoje dievčatá priam zbožňuje, sa presvedčíte z týchto vtipných záberov:
Simon a jeho štyri dcéry
2018 welcomed me this morning with the warm embrace of an adult headache that was more persistent than a child hanging off my ankles, asking for snacks. As a result, this day has seemed sooo so long that it wouldn't shock me if it was actually April already. Being motionless as possible has been my MO for this relatively non productive day, the highlight being getting literally lit up like a Christmas tree by Marnie as she bound & semi garrotted me with 360 warm glow LED lights & hung baubles from my hungover lobes, like some kind of low budget art installation that no one wants to see. Bye bye Christmas decs, see you in a year's time as long as we haven't all filed for divorce from eachother. Man, this Xmas break as been intense! #nomoreturkeythanks #noimnotagiant #perspective #whendoesschoolstartagain #adultheadache #makeshifttree #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #fod #instadad
Here's your Friday evening entertainment: Recently there was a 'bee' in the house. This sent the girls on a manic ramage at first, chasing, and then run from, what in fact a drowsy house fly that lumbered around from window to wall like a drunk uncle at Christmas who'd been put in charge of the bar & not been seen for several hours. Lacking in the necessary vocab to articulate herself & with no frame of reference to describe the size of the flying object of entertainment (I don't think many 2 year olds know about the metric system), Delilah gave it her best shot & employed the tools she has to hand – contorted facial expressions & C grade mime skills. She'd make a good street performer. She's already got the glass ball that entertainers roll around their hands outside tourist hotspots. Or she's lugging it around as she has aspirations to be become a fortune teller & replace mystic megs. Who knows. All I know is she is a born performer & she gets me every time. #mimesizing #silentdescription #girlgotskills #mysticdelilah #streetperformer #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod
Today we spent Christmas Eve Eve watching essential festive films, namely Home Alone which both entertained & scared the girls shitless in equal measures. And when I say 'we', I mean the girls were in the same room as the TV making forts and laughing while I rewired several lights, finished the kitchen island & constructed temporary furniture ready for the on slaughter of visitors. Home alone raises so many questions for me – if WiFi had been invented would Kevin just have sat glued to the computer for days on end & slowed died of malnutirition? And what the hell did Mr. Macalistair do to be able to fly his huge family to paris for Xmas and own a huge mansion. And why did they fly business and the kids in coach?! And what did they do to Kevin to enable him to concoct such violent life threating traps that would render normal humans stone cold dead? Sound like terrible parents if you ask me, but still a beast of a film! #homealone #christmaseveeve #stillworking #girlsfilmnight #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod
Someone really should bring in toddler drivers license as there have been an spree of hit & run incidents recently, with the legs usually ending as the mangled victims left requiring medical attention. After downing a bottle of milk, Delilah steamed round the house doing 60 in a 5 mph zone, oblivious the bystanders that have to drive out the way like they do in the movies to avoid having a pramp shaped indentation in their shins. All the while Ottie, the reluctant passenger in the joy ride, lies motionless – scared stiff that should she say anything, that her sister will wrap the speeding vehicle round the bin & write it out. Sure enough, after 5 minutes of drifting round the kitchen table & doing burn outs as if in supermarket carpark after hours, the inevitable happened & Delilah binned it onto a wall. This was the photo I took for the police report. The 'jaws of life' were needed to get Ottie out of this one while an immediate driving ban was dished out to her sister who showed no remorse or regret. Kids these days….. #drivingwithoutalicense #joyride #notforottie #toddlerlicenserequired #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #noonewashurtthankfully #fod #dadlife #instadad
Continuing the long tradition of twins being used in magic, this morning I walked in on what I can only assume was a rehearsal for a later showing of the classic illusion that has wowed audiences the world over – 'sawing a woman in half'. Ottie's upper torso was poking up out of the discarded IKEA kitchen sink unit, while Delilah waved her hands wildly, shouting incoherent nonsense as if she was a shaman talking in tongues (david Copperfield is an amateur in comparison to this miniature showman). Then the secret of the trick was revealed as the door flung over to expose a pair of flailing legs and a sagging nappy. I'm sure they'll have their membership credentials to the juniors magic circle revoked after this but it's nice to know how things work sometimes. Practice makes perfect girls. Keep trying. #magictricksrevealed #sawninhalf #sinklife #alternativeusesforikeakitchens #thesegirlsaremagic #davidblanewho #justneededsodryicetocompleteit #twinsarealwaysusedinillusions #fatherofdaughters #fod #dadlife #instadad
Horizontal parenting is a favourite past time of mine between the hours of 6 & 8am. Need a sick patient to lie down & be examined? I've got you covered. Need a sleeping giant? I'm your man. Need a living trampoline to jump on? I'm begrudgingly on it (as the air is squeezed out of my chest cavity & start to wheeze like a geriatric overweight dog who thinks walks are beneath him). This time however, I assumed the role of living furniture as Ottie sat on me to get a better perspective on the bowl of multicoloured spaghetti I assumed she must be drawing. As a side note, I can't help notice that my forehead is starting to look like a stack of thickly cut ham. The crevices between the folds are so deep I could hold a pen between each one of the 4 lines that each girl has generously given me so they can use me as a mobile stationery dispenser. Oh well, we all age & I'll wear them as a badge of honour, after all I earnt them. #dadbadgeofhonour#pencilcaseforehead #humanfurniture #horizontalparenting #spaghettistilllife #bolloxtobotox #fatherofdaughters #instadad #fod #dadlife #parenting #twins
Yes this could be the cover shot from this months edition of "Weird Mermaid anglers monthly" telling the story of a guy who caught identical infant half fish / half girl creatures in a pond in south London, but it's actually just me & the twins. Ottie has recently learnt to break free from the shackles of parental oppression & now regularly escapes the confines of her scandi chic responsibly sourced sleep prison under the cover of darkness. My initially dad solution of screwing a large piece of 12mm ply wood over the top of the cot like a coffin lid was frowned upon, so instead I removed the base, thus lowering the bed by 6 inches. I thought this was genius, only to be told that the lack of symmetry in the room was giving Clemmie anxiety sweats & to put it back immediately. In the end we resorted to the last weapon in our arsenal – taking away the use of their legs. And no, I'm not talking home brew surgery & a lot of referencing 'How to' videos on Youtube – We put them in sleeping bags – Now with their bottom halves neatly rendered as useless as shoes for fish, hopefully we'll manage to keep them separate. We'll see tomorrow. #zipsforthewin #rubbishmermaidtwins #likeslugswithlessslime #popperscangodo1 #fatherofdaughters #dadlife #instadad #fod
While in the garden this morning, avoiding doing jobs that had been left to me & instead doing ones that only I care about (i.e. sorting the shed out & put paint cans in size order) I couldn't help but notice a small creature digging like a demented mole under a bush in one the flower beds. In the same way I imagine Mr McGregor might finally get his hands on Peter rabbit (that delinquent should have been put in a young offenders institute a long time ago) as he yells to his wife to whack the stove on & prepare the stew pot, I grabbed the pair of hind legs protruding from the bush & gave them a good yank to reveal a twin. She'd been burying some wooden blocks & of course, my house keys. The number of times my stuff goes missing is definitely on the rise as the twins get older. I've never seen a child so non plused about being caught & then hung upside down. "Yeah you caught me, so what?!" Kids these days….. #betyouturnyourphoneupsidedown #icaughtabigone #skinabunny # #peterrabbittheyoungoffender #twins #caughtdirtyhanded #Fatherofdaughters #FOD #dadlife #instadad